He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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