No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
