yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
