I am midnight drunk by noon
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
