Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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