Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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