We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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