the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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