WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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