You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
