remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
