I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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