she woke up with a sticky ear
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I sprained my soul last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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