I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
