Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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