Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
