he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
