I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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