repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
