rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
