So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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