i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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