So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
