So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my being single is dangerous.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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