Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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