She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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