Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
