I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
