A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i have two assholes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
