Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a side note pls kill me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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