I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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