Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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