i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
