32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize