I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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