I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's get the cat blown out
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
