At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
