Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
