She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
