i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well you can't waste a boner
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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