Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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