Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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