I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
