next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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