you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
