please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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