i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
