Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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