I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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