i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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