He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
