He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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