It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
