I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
