Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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