they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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