if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
