guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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