Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize