wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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