You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
