I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
