So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
