My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
