Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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