What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
