So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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