I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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