She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
