I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize