She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
