I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
