just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i dont even know how to be here
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
