i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
