Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
