I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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