Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
