I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
