we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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