They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
