we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
