I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
