No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
