how can u be prego again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize