The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
