Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
