This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
