I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
