and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
