Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
