i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize