U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
