Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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